With all the posts that I have written in the past year, I have learned so much new knowledge. I am sad to say that this will be my last post before I will revamp the blog. Of course, I will still write! But I am planning to write more about topics that interest me now that I have covered the basic skills.
Like what? Well, perhaps I would write actual short stories that I can share with you guys or maybe more review of novels. There are a lot of things that I am thinking about now and I can’t wait to share it with you guys.
Now, moving on to my actual post I want to talk about how I build vivid scenes through all the techniques I have mentioned in this blog as a practice. Maybe it could help to show you guys how to actually apply different techniques in a story.
Below I will attach a snippet of a story I wrote earlier this year.
Year 2097, The New Centre of HDF – South Korea
My name is Jung Boyeon.
“Attention!”
The single drop of boots on the black concrete almost made me smile with excitement. My father used to tell me all the tales of being a soldier before we go to sleep. Proudly showing scars and medals to his awestruck children. My brothers ended up joining the Academy earlier than I did. Once, when I was thirteen they went home and told me all the adventures they went through with father beaming proudly behind them. I was jealous. I too wanted to relive their tales.
The cold wind stings my eyes and cheeks, the stars and moon hidden behind an endless wall of sailing clouds. Perhaps, the deadly silence in the open field agitated me more than the unforgiving winter. My fingers open and close on the grip, itching to hear the next command.
At that moment, heavy steps followed by the scurrying of boots; whispering, bickering commanders ran hurriedly to their positions. There was a buzz around the hall that makes my ears tingle. Then a raspy cough made me stand even taller.
“The rebels are moving into the center of our city.” I listened intently to the echoing voice of General Lee. “Our cameras have caught them operating not one—” he paused, “but three stolen tanks.”
In the corner of my eyes, some soldiers took a sharp breath, their fingers move to the trigger of their rifles, and unknowingly I did too. I felt my stomach rise into my throat and I clenched my fists hard remembering the 4th expedition. All tired and beaten up when they walked into the mess hall. Sickness took over my head remembering dozens of bloody bags, too big to carry their comrades out of a truck that wasn’t supposed to be filled.
“But I couldn’t care if they brought more to our cities because I believe, that my best sons and daughters, will avenge the death of our lost brave souls!”
And the roofless hall was filled with the scream of our anger, it was both deafening and majestic. I joined their cry on top of my frozen lungs, raising my rifle above my head.
“Bring death upon them, my children.” The last thing I saw was the screeching sound of the giant gate before our masks automatically switched in place, covering our faces and our steady march followed the lines of tanks and trucks beyond us.
My name is Jung Boyeon, I am registered as the captain of the 4th line in the Elite Troops of HDF. Today we will face our deaths, and death will bow to fear us.
Annotation
I have chosen to mention the place and time of the year immediately at the beginning of the paragraph: “Year 2097, The New Centre of HDF – South Korea”. This is because I have connected the storytelling technique to that of a soldier. It’s quick, simple, and compact.
I have also chosen to introduce winter as my timeframe. However, mentioning that as a soldier, the main character is much more occupied by what she is doing than the cold. This is to both emphasize her character and at the same time show how many young soldiers like her think.
I used first person to write this story because I want to focus on the character’s self-development. In other words, I can implicitly write about her characterization through the way she thinks like the sentence: “In the corner of my eyes, some soldiers took a sharp breath, their fingers move to the trigger of their rifles, and unknowingly I did too”.
This sentence suggested that the soldiers are like-minded people and they are easily offended by things that go against their ideologies. This idea is further emphasized by General Lee’s choice of words that often is more inclusive towards the soldiers. He used phrases like “our city” and “our people” in order to reinforce this idea that unity comes first before individuality.
In this snippet, I have tried to use metaphors to build a vivid imagery without trying to establish a setting in a matter-of-fact way. As an example, I have written “The cold wind stings my eyes and cheeks, the stars and moon hidden behind an endless wall of sailing clouds. Perhaps, the deadly silence in the open field agitated me more than the unforgiving winter“.
There are a few pieces of information that I want to assert through this paragraph. The first one is that the winter wind is at its peak. Which means that it is very cold outside and the soldiers had to fight possibly at a freezing point. This is the first problem that the character faces, and a possible limitation in the future. But, I mentioned that the deadly silence annoyed the main character more than anything. This is to show that the soldiers are more occupied about their possible mission but not the weather. Other than suggesting their way of thinking, I also tried to show their priorities. Which is a very important aspect that I can use in the future. Perhaps to make the audience more sympathetic when a character does not prioritize their position or perhaps when a character has the ambition to gain more power.
There are two aims for the dialogues I wrote in this snippet, one is to reveal key characters and another is to help introduce conflicts that drive the plot. An example of this would be General Lee’s one-way dialogue when he said: “The rebels are moving into the center of our city… our cameras have caught them operating not one—” he paused, “but three stolen tanks.” it shows that the rebels are a persisting problem that the government had been facing. They pose threat to the society that is yet to be mentioned, and it gives crucial information about the authority and main problem.
Then, when the main character mentioned “My name is Jung Boyeon, I am registered as the captain of the 4th line in the Elite Troops of HDF. Today we will face our deaths, and death will bow to fear us.” it gives another revelation of the army’s possible nature. They are proud of their positions and ambitious. This will help to establish the personalities of different sections in the story so that the reader can categorize them easily.
a curious journal 